Surprise, Lieutenant
by SkyKissed
Summary: It's Alicia's birthday. It's only reasonable that her friends throw her a party. They just...choose an inconvenient time to do so.


A/N: After the major bummer of the angst contest, Inu and I have moved on to humor. Mood whiplash, gotta love it, baby.

This story is pure crack and, for the sake of all parties involved, should not be taken seriously. If it makes you smile it's done its job. And it has Jim in it. And we love Jim. Because Jim has a snarky inner monologue. Or at least my Jim does. xD

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><p><strong>Surprise<strong>

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><p>"We shouldn't be here."<p>

"Oh lighten up, Jim. It's just a little party."

It's funny. Somehow his wife manages to say that phrase as if it _hasn't _preceded nearly every impending disaster ever. Elisabeth doesn't look at all concerned, smiling to herself, her arm full of presents; blissfully unaware of the havoc undoubtedly waiting to ambush them on the other side of the door.

Almost as if she believes something could happen (dare he say it?) _uneventfully_ in the settlement.

That will be the day.

There are times when Jim Shannon doesn't wonder if he's the only sane person left in Terra Nova. It's a sobering thought, one that often leads him to pouring himself a drink. Occasionally, these drinks are shared with the very woman whose home they are standing in front of. For all their differences, he likes to imagine himself a kindred soul with the lieutenant in that regard. There are both reasonably _reasonable_ people. She's calm, collected and very, very sane, if a little overprotective. He likes Wash's sanity.

Standing on Lieutenant Washington's porch, an oversized birthday cake in his arms, that very opinion rears its head again. He's the only sane person in Terra Nova. Yet here he is, with a bunch of giggling teenagers (a part of him is of a mind to count Elisabeth among their numbers) standing on Wash's porch, without her permission, before the suns even rises. All he wants is a drink; a nice cold drink.

Hell, forget the drink. He'll settle for being anywhere that isn't here. Here is perhaps the _worst_ place to be. He'd rather risk the jungle than here.

He can't help himself; Wash is terrifying when she gets….riled. He's fairly well convinced that breaking and entering her home is more than enough to set her off into such a state. Of course, when Jim had raised this (altogether logical) concern Mark had simply shrugged his shoulders, got that smirk on his face. It isn't a problem, he said, he's done it all the time, he said. He has a _key_. She _expects_ them to visit her.

Like hell she does. That key is for emergencies. Surprising her with a cake before her shift is almost certainly not on Alicia Washington's "List of Reasons to Vandalize My Home." But had they listened to him? _No_.

Which left him in his current situation.

Goddamn it.

It's early, really early, the sun just beginning to crest over the horizon. It offers them enough light as they navigate the woman's house, none of them willing to turn on the lights. Their efforts require secrecy. Maddy flashes him a brilliant smile before stepping past him, her arms full of streamers and the like. Before he can protest, the girl is throwing them about, biting her lip to keep from giggling. And what's more, no one seems intent on stopping her. In the span of a few short moments the Lieutenant's meticulously neat home has been transformed into a…streamer ridden monstrosity. There's a party theme in there somewhere, but at the moment the theme is very much, "_We allowed two teenagers to decorate your house in the dark_."

He's pretty sure Wash isn't partial to that one.

"Five minutes till go time, people," Mark's whispering, looking altogether too pleased with himself. Jim simply settles himself down on her couch, the cake is his lap. Pacifist protest.

How precisely he got roped into this he doesn't remember. He'd been minding his own business, enjoying spending time with his youngest daughter, enjoying his second chance at life. Everything had, in the grand scheme of things, been going well for them since they arrived in Terra Nova. Were the dinosaurs occasionally a pain? Sure. Was the colony in constant threat of danger from unknowable forces? Of course. Was he wild about the idea of his daughter dating some kid she'd just met? Not really. But he'd been willing to tolerate him.

And then the kid had his brilliant idea.

Wash's birthday had been coming up.

And rather than doing something reasonable (Jim had suggested drinks. Low key, _safe _drinks, potentially in the office. Taylor, Wash, himself, drinks. She'd enjoy that, right?) they'd let the kids run things. From a low key Wash-centric evening they'd made the leap (not _leaps_, plural, but one _single _bound of reasoning) to surprise party. Not after her shift, no, they'd tried that in years previous and the good lieutenant knew to expect, and avoid, it. No, they'd _really_ surprise her by just…showing up inside her house first thing in the morning.

Jim knows Washington's reaction speed; he knows his own. He knows that _if_ (when) she throws something there's about a ninety percent chance he'll end up being hit. That frightens him a little.

"Three minutes, get ready Mr. Shannon."

Elisabeth favors him with an amused smile, rolling her eyes a bit at the children's exuberance. She can afford it. All she has to do is stay out here, wait with the decorations. He, he has to walk into the lion's den. He looks down at the cake in his lap, shakes his head. Only for his daughter will he do this. Only because the idea has her smiling in such a silly way.

He'll risk the lion's den for Maddy.

"Alright, everyone, places!" Mark's motioning to them, not unakin to how he might if he were leading a strike force through the jungle. Down the hall they go, silent.

Admittedly, he'd been suspicious the moment they'd arrived in Wash's house and she hadn't come out to greet them. The woman has an almost preternatural sense of her house (her domain); that she hadn't immediately come to investigate is…certainly out of the ordinary.

Turns out there's a reason for that.

"One…two…" The kid's are counting slowly, one hand on the door handle.

"Three!" And into the room they leap, "SURPRISE!"

Three things happen in that moment, all at once. It's like an echo. A horrible, horrible echo. In the span of about a second, Mark's eyes manage to widen impossibly, his expression becoming one of absolute horror. The entire direction of his movement is suddenly reversed as he attempts to lunge from the room, "Jesus Christ, no!" Maddy, lacking both her boyfriend's survival instincts and reflexes, simply stands stunned, her mouth opening and closing in a very convincing imitation of a goldfish. Mark reappears to drag her from the room when he notices she's failed to follow.

And Jim…Jim just stands there, an oversized birthday cake in his arms, not exactly certain what to do in a situation such as this. There's not really an appropriate way to react. He decides to smile, somewhat sheepishly, somewhat amusedly.

Technically speaking, the aim of a surprise party is to catch the person in question unawares. If this was the only defining characteristic of said event they would have met inarguable success. They have most certainly caught Wash unawares.

Perhaps _to_ unawares.

Wash is still in bed, as anyone would be at such an ungodly hour. Rather than sleeping soundly, however, she is undeniably awake. And active. And decidedly not alone.

Realizing there is perhaps no way to salvage the situation, Taylor (he can't see his face but Jim knows it's him, it's terribly hard to mistake the man) lowers himself, laying flat against his lieutenant, effectively shielding her nudity. Ever a gentlemen even in a distinctly ungentlemanly situation. He buries his head in the crook of her neck and Shannon imagines he hears them both chuckle. Wash throws him a look over her companions shoulder (if he didn't know her better he'd call it a smirk), waving lazily. Her movements are almost liquid, entirely too loose and relaxed for the tightly wound soldier. He'd really prefer not to think about what precisely had inspired such a change in her demeanor.

"Morning, Wash," he offers lamely.

"Shannon."

"Got a cake here, for you…" She arches a brow, entirely too amused and distinctly _not _embarrassed for his tastes. Somehow it makes speaking to her more awkward, "Mark wanted to surprise you before your shift but I see you've already got a much, uh…better present."

"I don't know if it's better…" she drawls, and the look on her face is positively indolent. Wash lets out a sharp hiss of breath as soon as she finishes the words. For whatever reason (and Jim really, really doesn't want to know), she gives her commanders shoulder a warning shove.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's better." Jim shifts somewhat uncomfortably.

"Shannon…"

"Yep?"

"You're still standing here."

"Yep."

"You should leave," her tone brooks no room for argument. As if he _wants_ to argue.

"Probably, lieutenant," he sets the cake aside on her dresser, running a hand through his hair. Tenseness has managed to descend up the situation. He really wishes he had a drink. Or a way to make this better. Or that Mark hadn't panicked and ran. The thought of the boy brings a solution to mind and Shannon finds himself smirking.

It's remarkably hard, gift shopping for Alicia Washington. And Jim Shannon has just found her the perfect one, "Here's an idea…What say we all…forget this ever happened and I get these kids out of your house and let you two get back to your, um…" He grins, "Debriefing?"

"Shannon," her tone is warning now, a bit of the hazy edge wearing off. Suddenly, she's shifting as if she would very much like to intimidate him. For obvious reasons the attempt falls flat. From the inelegant rush of air leaving her it's also fairly evident Taylor's shifted the majority of his weight to keep her precisely where she is.

"That sounds like a very generous gift, Wash. Think you should accept."

"Yeah, I'm gonna take that as a yes and just…leave. So…uh, enjoy your morning. Play nice with the birthday girl, sir…"

"SHANNON!"

"Yep, I'm going."

They remain still for a very long moment after Shannon leaves, closing the door behind him. The sounds in her living room spike before growing silent, the sound of her front door closing and locking reaching their ears. It's only then that Taylor begins to snicker against her skin.

A part of her would very much like to be embarrassed about their morning.

Of course, it's very difficult to focus on that notion when her Commanders so intent on…distracting her. The fact that he's intentionally doing so might make her irritated. Only he's distracting her from that as well. She moans as he lifts one of her legs, hooking it about his waist again, entirely too eager to pick up where they'd left off.

All things considered, Lieutenant Washington very much enjoys her birthday.


End file.
